Am I Compatible with the Person I’m Dating?
I live in the Silicon Valley, there are tons of young professionals in the area, and one big topic that’s on a lot of people’s minds is around relationships. “Whom am I going to date? Whom am I going to spend the rest of my life with? Whom am I going to buy a house with?”
Either through online dating apps OKCupid or Coffee Meets Bagel, or asking around from friends and family members, “Can you set me up with somebody?” A lot of people are thinking, “Is this person that I’m considering a fit? A COMPATIBLE fit?” The topic of compatibility is a big thing that comes up.
What Does “Compatible” Mean?
Generally, the way that the word “compatibility” is understood is that “this person and I are going to jive well together.” But I did some digging in dictionary.com the other day to find out what the word ACTUALLY means. I learned that in the Latin form, it doesn’t mean that this person and I are the right fit, but it means that we learn how to STRUGGLE together.
The root “com” means together
“Bility” means ability
“Pati” in the middle literally means “pain.”
Why is Compatibility Important?
Contrary to what a lot of people assume to mean about compatibility, if you want to find someone who is a good, compatible match, you want to make sure that YOU are someone who is doing your own personal work, and that you’re willing to find someone who is also doing the same for themself.
The reason why this is the case is because most likely, one or both of you are going to change at some point. Just because they are a good fit now, doesn’t mean you’re going to be a fit for the long haul. So, if both of you don’t know how to make adjustments as you change or grow, the relationship is going to experience more strain down the line.
So again, I want you to find someone who is compatible, but also someone who is willing to do the work. If you want to know how you can do your own portion of it, I have a bunch of blogs around relationships and personal development to help you get started on your own journey.
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© Copyright 2021 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA, who loves helping people create emotionally thriving relationships. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
(4) adult survivors of emotional abuse and neglect
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
I was a panelist at the EnneaSummit 2024 for the Enneagram Practitioner Panel.
In this panel, we share our experiences and observations about what different Enneagram types think they need in therapy, what they actually need, and some important growth steps so they can grow beyond their type.