The Enneagram tells us 9 different ways of seeing/responding to life that USED TO be helpful coping strategies when we were younger that NOW keep us stuck in painful situations.
(If you don’t know your Enneagram type, here’s a blog to help you find it.)
Here is one quick growth tip to help you grow BEYOND your Enneagram type!
Type 1 (The Improver)
Go out in nature and observe how the trees & wildlife are imperfect AND YET are still worthy.
Entertain the idea that the same might also apply to you.
Type 2 (The Befriender)
What percentage of your time this week did you spend focusing on or doing something for other people?
What's your guess as to what percentage of time non-Twos spend on others?
Go gather info - ask 3 people you know (ideally non-Twos) this question and hear what they say.
Notice the difference - What are the BENEFITS of spending less attention on others and more on themselves?
Type 3 (The Achiever)
How often have you felt the emotions of impatience or frustration this week around tasks?
What might be the BENEFITS of things moving at a different speed or way that you would like?
Type 4 (The Individualist)
(Without judging yourself) What is your guess as to the kind of impact you have on other people? (positive? negative? big? small? neutral?) Write the guess down.
Ask 3 other people this question, then compare their answer to yours. Do their answers align with yours?
If yes, what's that like having accurate self-assessment?
If no, why do you suppose their responses are so different from yours?
Type 5 (The Observer)
What's your reaction when you find out that you DON'T know something? How comfortable are you with the state of not knowing about a topic or not knowing how to do something?
Does it matter whether other people know whether you do or don't have knowledge in an area? Are there ever moments when it's okay that you don't have all the information or know-how?
Type 6 (The Questionner)
At the beginning of the day, write down what you anticipate happening in the day. At the end of the day, write down what actually happened.
Focus on the ACTUAL, not HYPOTHETICALS.
Type 7 (The Enthusiast)
When thinking about what to do over the weekend, write down 5-6 options of activities, put them in a jar, then draw one card.
Consider what else remains in the jar as irrelevant until the following weekend.
This one option is the adventure of the weekend!
Type 8 (The Challenger)
When has your reliance on your power and strength backfired?
When something goes wrong, how likely are you to assume that it must automatically be because someone else messed up?
How often do you take ownership of your own impact on the outcome or on relationships?
Type 9 (The Peacemaker)
Coin Flip - When making a decision, flip a coin. When the coin lands with its assigned outcomes, notice your immediate reaction. Did you feel relief or tension?
Relief means go with the outcome of the coin toss.
Tension/dread means go with the other option.
After you try this, leave a comment letting me know what you think! Since I only have firsthand familiarity with the ways of Type 4, I would love any feedback from those of other types!
What are your Enneagram type's emotional habits?
Grab this free guide that shows you how to grow beyond the patterns that keep you stuck!
Don't know your Enneagram type?
Find yours here!
© Copyright 2023 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
I was a panelist at the EnneaSummit 2024 for the Enneagram Practitioner Panel.
In this panel, we share our experiences and observations about what different Enneagram types think they need in therapy, what they actually need, and some important growth steps so they can grow beyond their type.