Every year, I'm digitally offgrid for several days at an inner work retreat with my Enneagram teachers Beatrice Chestnut & Uranio Paes, who founded the Chestnut Paes Enneagram Academy.

Some of these retreats, which are a part of their Professional Certification Track & Personal Mastery Track, became the milestone markers of how I've healed and grown over time, as I vividly remember what I was working through each of those moments.

Here’s are some things I worked on at these retreats:

• Recognizing my Enneagram 4 SP autopilot habits of:

  • Getting sucked into melancholy

  • Monologuing about past hurts (much like a broken record)

  • How I create my own suffering 

  • Push/pull dynamics in relationships

• Connecting with my physical body

• Tapping into & releasing pent up rage that's actually my ally

• Connecting with the flow of life, rather than trying to control everything 

Since starting my Enneagram journey, my life did a total 180. I barely recognize myself from when I was younger, and now have dimples to prove it!

This is a snapshot of how I used to be:

• "I AM how I feel."

• The "good, easy kid"

• Emotionally shut down, trying not to be a burden

• Closeted queer kid who grew up in the church

• MAJORLY repressed in all the ways 

• Withdrawn, disconnected from myself & others

• Queen of RBF (Resting Bitch Face)

• An intensity, drama, and complexity junky

• Way too familiar with anxiety, guilt, shame (partly bc I was allergic to anger)

• Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, shame

• Suffering silently & solo 

...and how I am nowadays:

• "I have feelings, but I'm more than my feelings."

• Anger is one of many feelings that tell me what I need or want

• Open, flexible, light & easy

• Guilt-free rest & play as part of my normal rhythm 

• Open heart to receive whatever life has in store for me that day 

• Nurturing and pursuing my desires (rather than swinging between repression & resentment)

• Mutually nourishing relationships 

• Having the time of my life

Here’s a video of me sharing my takeaways from a past inner work retreat.

If you're wanting to supercharge your own inner work journey (I'm specifically looking at all y'all who tend to hoard heady knowledge about personal development without actually taking action), I HIGHLY recommend CP Enneagram's personal retreats.

What are your Enneagram type's emotional habits?

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© Copyright 2023 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.

JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT

Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.

Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)

The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:

“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”

“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”